I’m one of those people who never knew what she wanted to do in life. I never had one career in mind because I changed my mind almost every day. I chose to follow dance as a topic to study because I had the body for it, I was decent at it, and the longer I stuck with it, the more convenient it became to continue my education in that field. Now, one specialized H.S. diploma, Bachelor’s degree, and Master’s degree later, I’m teaching Yoga and not involved in dance at all.
I keep telling myself that I’m just taking a break from dance, and I probably will go back to teaching it at some point (preferably at a University), but the truth is that I’m not sure if that’s actually going to happen. I’m 26 years old, and I feel like a lot more people my age (or even younger) have things more “figured out” than I do. After thinking about all of this, I always end up feeling guilty, and worst of all, really badly about myself. I say, “Why did I waste all that time and money studying dance if it’s not something that I’m going to pursue as a career?” I feel bad for my parents who paid for most of it and had to suffer through years of me complaining about it as well. I also left them for four years to go to L.A. for undergrad and then for two and a half years to go to London for grad school. I feel so lucky that I have supportive parents who just want me to be happy, but I also am incredibly guilty about it. I feel like I’ve been taking advantage by just “floating” around trying to find myself.
While I do feel guilty, I’ve been trying to work on forgiving myself. I need to keep in mind that I will pay my parents back someday in one form or another, and I need to just be patient with myself. I can sit around blaming myself forever and constantly feel the guilt, but that’s not going to solve anything, and that’s certainly not going to help anyone. As of now, all I can do is keep on going, and keep on trying to find my purpose in life.
I also need to remember that I may not have only one purpose in life. I have multiple interests that I would like to pursue, and maybe I’ll end up doing all of them throughout the course of my life. Who knows, right? The logical part of me knows that I need to keep an open mind, and I can’t limit myself to the idea that I have to pick one career path and stick to it forever. For instance, I have always known that I love to write, and that I would eventually write a book (or multiple books), but that doesn’t mean that I have to just pick the career path of being a writer and stick to only that. I also love helping people through teaching Yoga, and I love creating and editing videos (dance and non-dance related). It would honestly be a dream come true to be able to make a living doing all of those things at one point or another, and to find a way to live a happy and balanced life through all of my passions.
I also have come to the conclusion that I need to have the ability to travel on a moment’s notice. Right now, I have a job where it is an absolute nightmare trying to get coverage for when I need time off. Also, when I move back to London at some point—which is something I’m eventually going to do –I need the ability to be able to come back to see my family as much as possible. If they need me home, I want to be there no matter what, and I cannot have a job that restricts me from doing so.
As you can see, I’ve definitely been going through some major life revelations lately (as evident in this post & my previous post about the passing of my grandfather). This self-reflection is definitely something that needed to happen so that I could eventually come to live a fulfilled life of purpose. I’m actually really glad it’s happening at this moment in my life so I can have the freedom to slow down & figure things out. Ever since my Yoga teacher training, I’ve learned so much about myself! As I continue paying more attention to who I really am & what I really need in life, I keep learning new things about me every single day. Some may call it selfish (even I would have called it selfish a few years ago), but there is no way that I can reach my full potential in helping others achieve their happiness if I don’t know myself or if I can’t achieve personal happiness first.
So, while I’m going through all this personal growth, the plan is to just keep on doing the things I love and the things that make me happy. I’m also going to try and have comfort in knowing that my purpose will eventually be shown to me, & success will come if I just keep on working hard at the things that bring me joy. Lately I’ve been combining my love of video making with my love of blogging through a YouTube channel! Making these videos & checking out other people’s videos has honestly been bringing so much light into this time in my life. I absolutely LOVE the whole process, and the whole idea of being able to share my thoughts & knowledge in this way! If you haven’t seen them already, here are the first 3 videos that I’ve done:
I had so much fun making these, and I am definitely looking forward to making more videos related to all the topics that I discuss on my blog! Therefore, if you like this blog (or if you like me), you should definitely subscribe to my YouTube channel so you know when I post my latest videos (usually once a week on Thursdays or Fridays). Here is the link to my channel if you’d like to subscribe & check it out!!
Final Thoughts: Life it tough sometimes, and it’s mainly because we get in our own way. Personally, my ego is strong, and it works really hard staying on the defense & bringing me down. As long as I can recognize that within myself & keep on working hard at my positivity, I know that I will eventually be able to bring happiness to myself & others around me as well.