Ever since I returned back to The States from London about 5 months ago (woah, has is really been that long?), I’ve been doing some SERIOUS life reevaluating. What role does dance have in my life? Where do I want to live? What kind of life do I really want to lead? And while I don’t necessarily have the answers to all these questions completely ironed out quite yet, I feel like I’m definitely on the road to just figuring sh** out (excuse my language, but sometimes, there’s just no other way to put it).
When thinking about where I want to set my roots down and ultimately live, New York always comes up as a thought because that’s my hometown and its where a lot of my close family members still live (parents included). In theory, New York City is the ideal place to live for me. I’d have my family (most importantly), I’d have a lot of career opportunities, I wouldn’t have to worry about visas because I’m an American citizen, and I’d have literally everything at my fingertips. On paper, NYC is where I should be! While this is all well and good, I think you already see where I’m going with this. NYC is unfortunately not for me. I just can’t seem to live here. When I was growing up, I didn’t really mind it because I had no idea of what else was out there, but as soon as I became aware of everywhere else I could go, that was it. I moved to LA for college when I was 18, then I moved back when I was 22 for only a year before I left for grad school in London. That year was pretty unpleasant (you can ask my parents). If it wasn’t for the fact that I had my family around me, I would have gone absolutely insane. I was doing things that I hated for work simply to save money for grad school, and I just couldn’t wait to pick up and leave again. Now (for very different reasons), I’m dealing with a similar situation.
It’s definitely not that I want to leave my family (they are the main reason I came back in the first place), but on top of the fact that I want to live with the love of my life who is currently in London, I really just think that NYC is not a place I could ever settle down. Other than the fact that I don’t like the heat & B.O. smells that the summertime brings or the freakin freezing blizzards that the winter brings, I don’t really know exactly why New York kinda rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t like being in such a stressful atmosphere? I definitely have noticed that I get very effected by the moods and energies of those around me. Having everyone around me be stressed out all the time just takes me to a really uncomfortable place. It could just be a combination of things such as weather, stress, atmosphere, etc. That’s probably why I can’t pinpoint the exact reason because there isn’t just one single reason. All I know is that there IS a reason why I was meant to discover all these wonderful places I could potentially live, and that reason is because I needed to see what life could be outside of New York.
I’m still hoping that I can convince my family to just follow me around to wherever I eventually end up, but something tells me that’s not going to happen. Some people love NYC too much to let it go. As much as they say they hate the traffic, and the subway, and the “this, that or whatever”, they still love it too much to leave. I’ll just have to settle for visiting them as frequently as possible and enjoying NYC the way I was meant to. Briefly.
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