I woke up this morning from a very strange dream. As some of you may know, I just launched my new yoga website, ChriskaYoga.com, and I am starting to build a yoga business online. I don’t think I have to tell you that this is a HUGE thing. I’ve been toying around with the idea ever since I left London last year and became a yoga teacher, and I’ve had these horrendous self-deprecating and limiting thoughts about “going for it” from the very beginning. Obviously, since I made the website and I’m working towards making this dream a reality, I’ve been working really hard to “stop listening” to the negative thoughts that I’ve been feeding myself. However, my subconscious and my ego are quite persistent, which was evident in my dream last night.
Let me paint you a picture:
In this dream, I was back in college, and I was taking a business course. The kicker is that the professor of the course was Marie Forleo, and the course was about starting an online business.
Now, for those of you who don’t know Marie Forleo, I talk about her all the time because she’s just awesome, but I recently mentioned her in my post, 5 Inspiring People You Should Be Listening To (go check it out if you haven’t yet). Marie is an online business coach and mentor who is also a bestselling author and the host for popular web series, Marie TV. If you haven’t checked it out yet, then go do it and meet me back here. Okay, glad you’re back.
Anyway, I was in the classroom with a bunch of random “friends of mine” who I didn’t recognize at all, but in my dream, I knew them (so weird when that happens). Then Marie walks in and she starts yelling at us and telling everyone about all this work they have to do by tomorrow (not like her at all from what I’ve seen). I started getting that feeling that I use to get in college when I had so much work to do, but definitely not enough time to do it in. I felt like I couldn’t get ahead of the game no matter how hard I tried, which is the exact feeling that I’ve been coming across lately now that I’m managing two blogs/websites, teaching yoga, and trying to start a business all at once.
The best part of the dream is that after the class (I use the term “best” very lightly here), I went up to her to ask a question about the homework. I ended up telling her that I was a bit overwhelmed by everything, and then she said, “Well, I guess you don’t have what it takes.”
And then I woke up.
How about that, huh? The logical part of my brain knows that the actual Marie Forleo didn’t say that to me. She wouldn’t say that to anyone. She’s a life coach for crying out loud! However, the fact still remains that my subconscious mind took the image of someone that I look up to and have chosen as an online mentor and turned her against me. Dream Marie saying that she didn’t believe in me means that I STILL don’t believe in myself.
Why do we hold ourselves back in this way? One part of me knows that it’s possible, and that I am highly capable of success, but there’s still an underlying part that feels like I’m not good enough.
Hopefully in time with persistence, I will be able to overcome this limiting belief system that is so engrained in my subconscious. For now, I just have to keep chugging along, and try to not be mad at Marie Forleo.
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